Matching Christmas sweaters and matching bowl haircuts on your overweight 9-11 year old boys is NOT a good look, especially not when you are flying and they are on display for everyone to see. Save the $$ you spent on the hideous sweaters and get the poor kids decent haircuts.
I swear the 9-yr old is saying “dear god help me…” with the look he’s giving me.
“San Francisco is a classy weathered beauty who likes to tempt the younger generation. You know her; the Mrs Robinson type who’s always having parties in her fabulously renovated Victorian and getting the local college kids drunk. When you knock she arrives at the door in an on-trend dress that’s not too flashy with a gong and two double-shots of vodka. “Guess which one’s good and it’s dirty martinis all night. Pick the shit vodka you’re stuck with it.” Then with a randy grin she whispers “Show me you know a good thing when you taste it.” You sip, distracted by her tits. (She noticed). One has the aroma of a plastic bottle, so you pick the other. She bangs the gong loudly. “Olshfski picked the Kauffman!” The party roars with drunken appreciation. For you, the party starts. For San Francisco, it’s just another Tuesday night.”—Uptown Almanac
I received this message a few days ago from a friend and have been jaw-on-the-floor stunned ever since. It was sent in all seriousness at the dude’s behest.
The message went out to ten of us that do not know the guy and no one has been able to respond other than to each other. Some of the better replies:
“WTF? Is she kidding?"
“Her messages fascinate me…"
“Bitch! Get me some milk!" (it will make sense once you read the full email)
Adrian did respond to all jokingly asking, “Does this guy like to party?”
I mean… seriously?!?! How do you send something like this out and how do you respond?
“I know just the girl! She’s hot, has no self-worth and loves the idea of being a mail order bride to a shallow douche bag living on disability!”
Subject Line: Find my friend his wife, make $30K
Message: My friend, Tom, is visiting SF Dec. 26-27th. He’s from LA, we met in Portland, and he’s moving to Bend temporarily to teach but plans on visiting SF frequently.
He’s an anesthesiologist, 36, turning 37 in January, single, straight, 6’, blond, blue eyes, nice, considerate, funny/sarcastic, very intelligent, hot and interested in finding The One. He’s one of my friends on Facebook: Thomas B. Unfortunately I don’t have girlfriends, I have gayfriends. Well, I have one girlfriend and I’ve put the word out to her as well. Tom said he’d pay whomever finds him his wife $30k.
This is not a joke.
My one girlfriend asked me for some more info about him-what he’s into, if he wants kids, etc.
So here’s the lowdown: He’s looking for commitment, I mean, he did say he’s looking for a wife, however, he won’t get married without a prenuptial agreement, something he realizes is a deal breaker for some women. He’s fine with being introduced to women in different cities because he can live anywhere. He’s more into the stereotypical good looking woman than the weird Portland good looking woman. If this doesn’t make sense, email me and I’ll explain. She has to be thinner and younger than him, he said those are his only 2 “must-haves”. RE: kids: he’s fine not having any, adopting them, or if she already has kid(s), and he’s also fine not having any. He also is fine dating a neurosurgeon or a waitress-those things don’t matter to him.
And finally, although Tom is an anesthesiologist, he doesn’t work. He hasn’t worked for 5 years but he gets paid the salary he was making and gets that until he’s 65. He had an injury to his SI joint and has consequently had 4 back surgeries and lives with chronic pain. He can’t lift a gallon of milk, walk up hill (he’d have to live in one of the flat neighborhoods in SF), and walks with a cane.